Tuesday, December 25, 2018

survived peak

I have been with FedEx Express now through 3 peak seasons. I'm part-time with a M-F schedule, so this year was the first I worked on Christmas Eve. Considering I am usually the last courier to leave for home each night, I started reconsidering my being with the company of late.
It's an easy job when I'm not spraining my shoulder or hitting fixed objects, but I find myself wondering how long I can do it physically and emotionally. Spraining my shoulder in May was an eyeopener. I didn't miss any days, but I lost hours due to restrictions and I woke up with pain for 6 months. The turnover for my work group seems mind boggling. We can't keep people, and decent people aren't exactly being hired. I seriously find myself wondering how I fit in given my background being unlike 99% of everyone else. I've been pondering going back to school, but given I live in fear of light induced migraines, I don't know if I can ever do a desk job again.
Today, I read about a loser who thinks he's better than me. I found it sad.
I also go a Christmas greeting from my friend who has been very sick a very long time and is dependent upon her parents who are getting advanced in age.
My problems pale in comparison, so it's embarrassing to think of my own problems as being anything significant.
I binged Stranger Things after being drawn in while Betsy was watching last week. I find the whole cast repulsive in some fashion, but it reminds me of my "hick" hometown and how I never felt like I belonged there. Heck, a classmate even went missing my sophomore year for several weeks only to be found in a body of water.
Actually, one classmate lost her father and brother in a boating incident during 3rd grade, while another lost her mother and grandfather to a jealous boyfriend in 4th grade. My school was small, too small for an AV Club considering Physics wasn't going to be offered one year I scheduled to take it until I threatened to transfer schools.
I almost found myself thinking maybe I have been stuck in the upside-down dimension since the day I was born. No one seems to understand me and I have panic attacks for no reason. I mumble, I've been told, yet I swear I clearly understand what I say. I've been able to get though life without people commenting on my mumbling for so much of it, that I wonder how much anyone really cares to know what I'm saying, let alone thinking.
I need to fix he matter.